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Losing a loved one - whether through unexpected or anticipated circumstances - is always traumatic. This is especially true with the death of a spouse. It is one of life’s most profound losses. The transition from spouse to widowed is a very real, painful, and personal experience. The trauma of trying to adjust to this new identity while being besieged with a multitude of urgent questions and decisions can be overwhelming. Here are some good guidelines when faced with the death of your spouse.

1. Give yourself permission to mourn. Men and women both need to give themselves permission to mourn. Postponing a confrontation with your feelings by filling each day with frantic activity will only delay and compound the grief reaction.

2. Be aware that you may experience a range of emotions. Your reactions to death may cover a range of emotion (i.e. shock, numbness, anger, pain, and yearning). Grief consists of multiple phases that often overlap.

3. With effort, you can and you MUST overcome your grief. One of the myths about mourning is that it has an ending point. It doesn’t. It requires work. It takes effort to heal. Mourning is a natural and personal process that only you can pace. It cannot be rushed and it cannot happen without your participation.

4. When needed, find the strength to take action. As a newly widowed person, there may be urgent financial and legal decisions you must make following the death of your spouse, yet the last thing you want to deal with is money matters. But money does matter, now and for your future, so try to do the best you can. Postpone, however, any decisions that can be put off until you feel better emotionally.

5. Work to tame your fears. When the first impact of death wears off, you may feel you are losing control. This is a normal part of the grieving process. Unlike mental illness, the strong feelings suffered during grief gradually and permanently disappear. Because you may experience a feeling of temporary instability, it’s important to remember that you have the ability to cope. This is a time when much of your adjustment to widowhood takes place.

6. In your own time, in your own way, you can say goodbye. The present, with all its pain and sorrow, is the only reality you have. Memories are very important, but they cannot be used as a shield against the present. At some point in your grieving, you will be ready to try to say goodbye.

7. Stress can wreak havoc on your health. The effect of grief on health is just starting to be understood. While your health might be the least of your concerns during this period, you should try to maintain your health as soon as you feel able. Begin with some form of regular exercise, getting proper nutrition, and reporting physical complaints to your doctor.

8. If interested, consider employment, continuing education or volunteer opportunities that match your needs and interests. Re-entering the job market after a loss can be one of the hardest tasks that the widowed must face. If you don’t need to return to work immediately, you may decide to go back to school. There are also volunteer opportunities that are meaningful and personally fulfilling in your community, which you may want to consider.

Nowadays, caskets are available for rental, just to fulfill that need. Speak with your Funeral Director about your preference to rent, rather than buy, a casket for the viewing and they will be able to show you the options available for rental.

There are also caskets specifically designed for cremation - usually they are made of a fiberboard material, and most look very much like the more “traditional” hardwood caskets. Again, your Funeral Director will be able to advise you of your options.

A funeral is a time of closure. A time for people to say goodbye. Children, like adults, need to grieve when they lose a loved one. Attending the funeral will usually help with a child’s grieving process. They will most likely feel support from family and friends in a safe setting. You may want to tell your child what happens at a funeral, so they know what to expect. If possible, give them detailed information such as who will speak and in what order. You may also want tell them about the casket or urn, so that there are no surprises to the child. Warn them that people will be emotional. Most importantly, be honest with your child. Allow to ask any questions they may have, and provide them with honest answers.

Embalming sanitizes and preserves the body, delays the decomposition process, as well as enhances the appearance of the body disfigured by traumatic death or illness.
Embalming increases the length of time between death and the final disposition, which allows family members’ time to arrange the type of service they would like to have and for far away loved ones to be able to attend the service.

The body is cremated shortly after death, without embalming. The cremated remains are placed in an urn or other container. No viewing or visitation is involved, although a memorial service may be held, with or without the cremated remains present. The remains can be kept in the home, buried or placed in a crypt or niche in a cemetery, or buried or scattered in a favorite spot. Direct cremation usually costs less than the “traditional,” full-service funeral. Costs include the funeral home’s basic services fee, as well as transportation and care of the body. A crematory fee may be included or, if the funeral home does not own the crematory, the fee may be added on. There also will be a charge for an urn or other container. The cost of a cemetery plot or crypt is included only if the remains are buried or entombed. Funeral providers who offer direct cremations also must offer to provide an alternative container that can be used in place of a casket.

Green burial can take place without the use of formaldehyde-based embalming, metal caskets, and concrete burial vaults. It’s the way most burials were performed for thousands of years up until the late 19th century. In some instances, green burial are used to facilitate ecological restoration and landscape-level conservation.
Green Burials are legal accept in cases of very rare diseases, such as cholera. There is nothing in federal, state or local law that requires embalming, caskets, grave markers, burial vaults or grave liners. For green burials, the use of Eco friendly caskets made from wicker or other organic material may be used. Traditional cemeteries may require, burial vaults or liners to reduce land settling on grave sites which makes it easier to mow the grass and ease of walking within the cemetery. Unembalmed bodies must be buried within 24-hours or be refrigerated, but there are several certified green funeral homes that provide refrigeration services.