Traditional Funeral usually includes a viewing or visitation, a formal funeral service, use of a hearse to transport the body, and burial, entombment or cremation. It is generally the most expensive funeral. In addition to the funeral home’s basic services fee, costs often include embalming and dressing the body, rental of the funeral home for the viewing or service, and use of vehicles to transport the family. The costs of a casket, cemeteries plot or crypt and other funeral goods and services also must be factored in
The body is buried shortly after death, usually in a simple casket. No viewing or visitation is involved, so no embalming is necessary. A memorial service may be held at the graveside or later. Direct burial usually costs less than the “traditional,” full-service funeral. Costs include the funeral home’s basic services fee, as well as transportation and care of the body, the purchase of a casket and a cemetery plot or crypt. If the family chooses to be at the cemetery for the burial, the funeral home often charges an additional fee for a graveside service.
Funeral directors are there to help. They are listeners and counselors, tribute planners and crisis managers. Through discussions with you, based on information you share about your wishes and details about your loved one, they are able to offer guidance and help you coordinate a very personal tribute. The funeral director can guide you through planning the service; completing paperwork; and coordinate doctors, ministers, florists, newspapers and other vendors. They can also link you to support groups.
Upon learning of a death, intimate friends of the family should visit the home to offer sympathy and ask if they can help. Some people prefer to visit the family at the funeral home. This setting may be more comfortable for you, and the family because they are prepared for visitors at that time.
In the days and months to come, the family will continue to need your support. Try to write or call on a regular basis. Continue to include them in your social plans. They will let you know when they are ready to participate. It is also nice to remember the family on special occasions during the first year following the death.
A floral arrangement or a Sympathy gift can be a warm reminder that friends are still there for those grieving. A personal note or card is also an appropriate way to express your thoughts.
No. However, the Social Security Administration will pay for a portion of the funeral expenses. A lump sum is paid to the spouse or dependent children of the deceased. If a veteran’s death is service-connected, then the government will pay a substantially larger portion, in addition to transportation of the body.
Notifying family and friends of a loved one’s death can be a daunting task. Close family members and friends should be notified in a personal manner such as a telephone call. Don’t be afraid to reach asko the first few people that you notify to help you inform other family members and friends.
Once the imitate family and close friends have been notified, you can notify others through e-mail. This may be easier than trying to get in touch with everyone by phone. It also will save you from re-telling the story over and over. If you are the closest relative to the deceased, it”s okay for you to delegate this task to another family member or friend.
Children should be told of a death in the family. State it as simply as possible. Give brief explanations and honest answers to your child’s questions. Don’t hide death from children by telling them lies to make the subject easier. However, a child doesn’t need to know all the details. The important thing is to be honest when you answer the questions they ask.
Children tend to have short attention spans. Along with this, there is also a limit to what information they can handle. Use language that the child will understand when explaining death to them. Don’t be afraid to use words like dead or death.
You have just suffered an emotionally devastating loss and the last thing you want to deal with is money and legal matters, but they must be handles quickly, so try to do the best you can. Many of items listed below can also be handled by family members and trusted friends, so allow them to help you.
Within the First Month
1. Ask your bank to release joint bank account funds to you. In some states, joint bank accounts are automatically frozen upon the death of one spouse.
2. Set up a new bank account.
3. Secure an ample number of certified copies of the death certificate.
4. Find important papers: deeds, bankbooks or account statements, stock certificates or investment account statements, and insurance policies. View checklist of papers you may need.
5. Consolidate important certificates: your marriage certificate, your spouse’s birth certificate, military discharge papers, Social Security card, tax forms, and birth certificates of any minor children. These records are needed to establish claims for Social Security, life insurance, or veteran’s benefits.
6. Notify the insurance companies (in writing) that insured your spouse of his or her death. Each company will need a statement of claim and a death certificate before the surviving spouse can receive benefits. Keep copies of all correspondence.
7. Contact your Social Security office to find out if you are eligible for new benefits. Social Security benefits are not automatically paid out after a death; you must apply for them. Learn more about benefits.
8. Write a formal letter to your spouse’s employer, union, or any other group or professional organization with which he or she may have had an association. Many of these organizations have insurance policies of which you may be the beneficiary. Also inquire about any 401(k), pension, or company stock benefits. If your spouse was a veteran, apply for veterans’ benefits at the nearest Veterans Administration office. Keep copies of all correspondence. Learn more about benefits.
9. Advise all creditors in writing, including issuers of credit cards, that your spouse has died. If you have any loans, find out if they are insured.
10. Consult a lawyer. Your family may be very well meaning, but they are not necessarily legal experts. Discuss fees before you engage any legal help.
Within the First Six Months
1. See a tax accountant or tax lawyer. Federal law requires that an estate tax return be filed within nine months of the death in many cases. Since tax laws are constantly being revised, it is important to seek out expert advice to determine your full tax liability.
2. Probate. These procedures can be a complex matter, depending upon the size of the estate and the claims against it. In some states probate can take a year to complete, so again, an attorney can be helpful.
Within the First Year
1. Determine your annual income, which consists of your salary (if you work), benefits, and income-producing assets. This will include investments and savings.
2. Create a yearly budget.
This is a highly personal decision, so only you can decide which is the best Funeral Home for your needs. We suggest beginning by contacting Funeral Directors in your area and visiting the Funeral Homes. Tour the facilities, speak with the Funeral Director and staff, and get a copy of their price list and services offered. This will at least give you a “feel” for the Funeral Home and a starting point to help make your decision.
Some people want sleek, modern facilities, others want more traditional surroundings. For some, cost is a factor, and others want to plan the services to the smallest detail. You need to discuss your ideas with the Funeral Directors you meet with and figure out what fit is best for you.
By making arrangements in advance, you were able to express your own wishes and relieve this emotional burden from your family. By funding your funeral in advance, you also relieved the financial burden from your family. Usually, these arrangements can be reestablished with another funeral home and nearly all funding vehicles are transferable by the owner.
Every state has its own regulations regarding licensure for Funeral Directors, so it is advisable to look into your state’s individual requirements and/or the state in which you would like to work in the profession.
Most require college, such as an Associate’s Degree in Funeral Service, from an accredited school. These programs are generally two to four years long with coursework that includes the Sciences, Business, Social Sciences, Law and Ethics. Most schools also offer embalming and restorative arts programs as well and usually require an internship where you would work under a licensed Funeral Director in that capacity.
Your first step would be to contact your Funeral Director. Laws vary from state to state (some do not allow pets to be interred in human cemeteries, some do and some have no laws regarding it at all) and locally. Your Funeral Director will be able to guide you regarding the state and local laws, and then you will need to find an appropriate cemetery.
Some cemeteries also have prohibitions on pet burial, so make sure to check with your cemetery of choice. The best idea is to go ahead and do your research and homework and plan ahead for future burial plans.
Make sure your plans and the documentation are in an easily accessible location so that your next of kin know your wishes to have your pet buried with you.
There are many instances where a certified death certificate is going to be required. These include: financial Information; checking, savings, trust or money market accounts; annuities; Certificates of Deposit; IRAs; mortgage/personal loans; mutual funds; pension funds; and stocks and bonds. Since most banks differ in their policies, it is suggested that an individual contact his/her financial institution for its requirements.
Allow yourself the time that you need to grieve the loss of a loved one. The grieving process is different for everyone; it may take you longer or shorter to grieve your loss than it would someone else. Do not rush yourself and do not feel that you should be over this loss. Sensitive times bring on sensitive feelings.
Immediately after the funeral, the family sometimes invites the attendees to join them for food or a reception at their home or designated place. This gives everyone a chance to talk and provides some time to relax and refresh. Sometimes friends or church members will take it upon themselves to prepare food ahead of time for this gathering, and relieve the family of this task.
Planning ahead will relieve family members of the stress of making some of the decisions. It also allows you to choose your funeral preference, and pay in advance if desired. It allows you to choose the specific items you want and need, and compare the prices offered by several funeral home providers.
Yes. Regardless of an organ removal, the techniques used by embalmers ensure that the deceased’s appearance will not be compromised. When an organ is removed, the body is stitched up afterward in the same way a live person is stitched up after any type of surgery. The body is clothed for the funeral, so the stitches are covered.
Custodial care is a fee the funeral home may charge for the time that the body is being held and no other services are being provided. This fee must be disclosed and identified as a daily, weekly or one-time fee.
The “Five Stages of Grief” refer to the psychological model originally developed by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. It describes the normal grieving stages people go through when coping with a loss. Some people go through all five, some do not, though everyone experiences at least two, and they may not be in any specific order. Many people with terminal illness also go through the Five Stages of Grief.
The first stage is “Denial” - this is the stage when people find the loss unbelievable - it can’t be happening to them. It is a difficult time for those who have experienced a loss - or are facing their own mortality.
The second stage is “Anger” - this stage’s hallmark is outrage and aggression - “Why me?” and “It’s not fair!” are a common thread. It is understandable to be angry at the unfairness of a loss, and it is perfectly normal.
Stage Three is the “Bargaining” Stage - this is where the person bargains for things - often more time. Terminal patients often go through this stage - they appeal to a higher power and bargain to live long enough to witness something - i.e. “Please let me live to see my daughter get married.”
“Depression” is the fourth Stage - a period where the individual feels hopeless and uninterested in things - “why bother with anything?” often describes how a person in this stage is feeling.
The fifth Stage is “Acceptance” - where the grieving person finally comes to terms with their loss.
The Stages may last varying lengths of time - every individual goes through the stages at their own pace - sometimes days or years. Grief is a very personal journey and dealing with loss can be very difficult to cope with.
You can create a Web site in memory of your loved one who has passed. Place photos on it. Share your personal story, any poetry you have written, or anything that touches you. You can also allow it to be a source of remembering for others, and provide them a place for them to add their thoughts.
Losing a loved one - whether through unexpected or anticipated circumstances - is always traumatic. This is especially true with the death of a spouse. It is one of life’s most profound losses. The transition from spouse to widowed is a very real, painful, and personal experience. The trauma of trying to adjust to this new identity while being besieged with a multitude of urgent questions and decisions can be overwhelming. Here are some good guidelines when faced with the death of your spouse.
1. Give yourself permission to mourn. Men and women both need to give themselves permission to mourn. Postponing a confrontation with your feelings by filling each day with frantic activity will only delay and compound the grief reaction.
2. Be aware that you may experience a range of emotions. Your reactions to death may cover a range of emotion (i.e. shock, numbness, anger, pain, and yearning). Grief consists of multiple phases that often overlap.
3. With effort, you can and you MUST overcome your grief. One of the myths about mourning is that it has an ending point. It doesn’t. It requires work. It takes effort to heal. Mourning is a natural and personal process that only you can pace. It cannot be rushed and it cannot happen without your participation.
4. When needed, find the strength to take action. As a newly widowed person, there may be urgent financial and legal decisions you must make following the death of your spouse, yet the last thing you want to deal with is money matters. But money does matter, now and for your future, so try to do the best you can. Postpone, however, any decisions that can be put off until you feel better emotionally.
5. Work to tame your fears. When the first impact of death wears off, you may feel you are losing control. This is a normal part of the grieving process. Unlike mental illness, the strong feelings suffered during grief gradually and permanently disappear. Because you may experience a feeling of temporary instability, it’s important to remember that you have the ability to cope. This is a time when much of your adjustment to widowhood takes place.
6. In your own time, in your own way, you can say goodbye. The present, with all its pain and sorrow, is the only reality you have. Memories are very important, but they cannot be used as a shield against the present. At some point in your grieving, you will be ready to try to say goodbye.
7. Stress can wreak havoc on your health. The effect of grief on health is just starting to be understood. While your health might be the least of your concerns during this period, you should try to maintain your health as soon as you feel able. Begin with some form of regular exercise, getting proper nutrition, and reporting physical complaints to your doctor.
8. If interested, consider employment, continuing education or volunteer opportunities that match your needs and interests. Re-entering the job market after a loss can be one of the hardest tasks that the widowed must face. If you don’t need to return to work immediately, you may decide to go back to school. There are also volunteer opportunities that are meaningful and personally fulfilling in your community, which you may want to consider.
Pet funerals and burials are becoming an increasingly-popular option as pets have found a secure place in our homes as a member of the family. For some of us, our pets are much more than just “pets” - they are constant, loving companions, and in some cases, our animal companions improve life to a dramatic degree - think Service Animals or Police K9s who devote their lives to the service of humans. With all they give us, it is no wonder that people feel the need to “give back” and memorialize their pets with a fitting final tribute.
Many Funeral Homes offer Pet Funeral and Burial Services, so you can begin by contacting your local Funeral Director. They will know of local Pet Cemeteries, or can help you select a spot on your own property, if you would like to inter your pet at home. Be aware that some areas prohibit the burial of pets - even on private property - for health reasons, so check out your local laws if you decide to bury your pet at home. With today’s transient society, few people stay in the same residence permanently, and that is another thing to consider when selecting a burial location.
Nowadays, caskets are available for rental, just to fulfill that need. Speak with your Funeral Director about your preference to rent, rather than buy, a casket for the viewing and they will be able to show you the options available for rental.
There are also caskets specifically designed for cremation - usually they are made of a fiberboard material, and most look very much like the more “traditional” hardwood caskets. Again, your Funeral Director will be able to advise you of your options.
